What is sleep divorce and should you consider it?

Don't you think there are few things as intimate as falling asleep next to your partner? Often, sleeping with your partner is not as romantic as it's made out to be. There's snoring, (occasional) kicking, and bed-hogging that'll break your REM cycle leaving you grumpy and irritable the next day. And let's be honest, nobody wants to wake up to that. That's where sleep divorce comes in. 

What is sleep divorce? 

A growing trend among couples everywhere, sleep divorce is when couples sleep apart—either on different beds in the same room or in separate rooms entirely. Though it may come across as unconventional or problematic, sleep divorce lets you prioritise restful sleep, allowing you to wake up refreshed and happier in your relationship, ready to build a stronger emotional connection over time. 

“The main premise of sleep divorce is to improve the quality of their sleep. It helps couples reclaim their personal space and enjoy their individuality while staying in a relationship,” says Ruchi Ruuh, a relationship counsellor. 

In today's day and age, many couples consider uninterrupted sleep essential for their health and well-being. With a rise in flexible work schedules and the focus on wellness post the pandemic, this new sleep trend has become an ideal choice for couples everywhere, despite the fact that it marks a shift from traditional views of intimacy. 

As with any relationship trend, sleep divorce too has its pros and cons, which can help you decide whether or not this arrangement could work for you. 

Pros

Better sleep quality

One of the biggest pros of sleep divorce is that it can significantly improve your quality of sleep. Without sleep disturbances like snoring, tossing and turning, and mismatched schedules, both partners are able to enjoy deeper, uninterrupted sleep, which can improve their overall health and mood.

Can foster intentional intimacy 

Sleeping apart can have a paradoxical effect on relationships where couples are able to better appreciate time together. According to psychologist and psychotherapist, Sophia Peermohideen, “This (sleeping) arrangement can strengthen intimacy by making shared moments more intentional and meaningful.” It is a deliberate effort that can foster a deeper bond and improve your emotional and physical closeness. 

Reduced stress and conflicts

A poor night's sleep means waking up grumpy and irritable, which can lead to silly conflicts during the day. Sleeping apart, boosts your mood and energy levels, reducing daily irritability and conflicts with your partner, which is especially ideal for couples who tend to discuss difficult issues at night. This way, they are able to have more meaningful conversations during the day.

Cons 

Reduced physical intimacy  

One of the potential downsides of sleep divorce is that it can affect your emotional and physical intimacy. Sharing a bed with your loved one fosters closeness and spontaneous affection, which is an important part of a romantic relationship. Without any proactive efforts to maintain this connection, partners may end up feeling emotionally distant and neglected. Over time, this could lead to misunderstandings or resentment, damaging your overall relationship dynamic. 

Social stigma  

The idea of sleeping separately has a societal stigma, with most people assuming there is a problem in your relationship. Your family, friends, and loved ones may question this decision and wonder if there is a conflict or dissatisfaction in your relationship, or if you and your partner are simply growing apart. Instead of feeling supported, couples might find themselves constantly justifying their choice, which can strain their relationship and question their decisions.

If you do choose to embrace sleep divorce, remember to have a clear conversation with your partner about it. Reason with them regarding their sleeping habits and how it has been affecting your sleep schedule. Establish clear boundaries to avoid any misunderstandings and feelings of rejection and neglect. “This doesn't have to be a forever decision and you must check in with each other periodically to ensure the arrangement is working for both partners,” Ruuh adds. 

Additionally, have a conversation about prioritising quality time together outside of your sleep schedules to maintain emotional and physical intimacy. Peermohideen suggests coming up with ways to spend time together. “Couples could establish routines for quality time, such as having morning coffee together, sharing meals, or scheduling regular date nights, which can help maintain closeness,” she adds. With transparency and collaboration, sleep divorce can become a proactive step toward a healthier, happier relationship.

Lead image credit: Netflix

Also read: 5 things that hamper emotional intimacy in marriage

Also read: Easy ways to increase intimacy in the bedroom