Is banter healthy in marriage? Here’s how to keep it fun, not hurtful

Banter is like the backbone of a relationship; Bunny from Yeh Jawani Hai Deewani would probably say it’s like ‘yoga.’ However, while pulling each other’s leg and mocking each other’s mishaps is all fun and games, there's a thin line between mocking and disrespecting and it takes just a moment for a joke to turn into disregard. It could be a sexist joke stretched too far or a casual comment landed wrong, or your partner could just not have the emotional bandwidth to take a joke at the time, there are many ways you can overstep the boundaries in your relationship with the unassuming 'banter'. But that does not mean you cannot have any.

Below, we have listed five things you can do to maintain that line and not cross it— be it in a marriage or in a relationship.

The rule of thumb is to always pay attention to your partner's reactions. When you are pulling each other's leg, carefully notice their reactions. Sometimes, even when you have no intention of hurting each other, you might unknowingly cross a boundary and hurt them. So, if they seem upset or uncomfortable, apologise immediately and have a conversation about it. 

Check in on one another

During those roasting sessions where you're playfully teasing each other, it’s important to check in on one another, even if it seems a bit silly. A simple question like, "Are we good?" can help assure that you’re both on the same page and comfortable with the direction the conversation is taking. Banter should feel light-hearted, not heavy or contentious, so being mindful of each other’s feelings helps prevent misunderstandings. You never know when the tone might shift, and what started as playful teasing could unintentionally escalate into hurt feelings. Communicating openly and honestly strengthens your bond and will help both of you feel safe and respected in the exchange.

Be mindful 

No matter how comfortable you become in your marriage or relationship, it’s essential to be mindful of what you say to each other. Always think before you speak; consider how your words might affect your partner. A relationship should be nurtured with love and care, not approached in haste. This mindfulness is particularly important during playful banter, as it can easily tip from fun to hurtful if you’re not careful. 

Establishing boundaries with your partner is essential. Be clear about your limits and take the time to understand each other's mindsets, including what topics are off-limits. For example, making a joke about something that is particularly sensitive or triggering for your partner can inadvertently cause harm. Even if you don’t intend to hurt them, misunderstandings can occur. It’s better to have open communication beforehand to avoid these pitfalls.

Support each other

Support each other through difficult moments. If playful banter has led to a misunderstanding or a disagreement, don’t hesitate to apologise and set aside your egos. A sincere apology can go a long way. By prioritising each other's feelings and being willing to listen, you can strengthen your relationship and navigate challenges together. And isn’t that the goal at the end of the day?

Lead image credit: Genelia Deshmukh/ Instagram

Also read: How to set boundaries with your toxic in-laws

Also read: We asked ChatGPT for best savage replies for 'When are you getting married?'