How to pull your guard down in a relationship

Vulnerability in a relationship can seem scary and challenging for many people as it involves letting your guard down with your partner and allowing them to see your real self. This is why, many of us tend to get into a relationship with our walls up, protecting our feelings from all harm. 

We are so afraid of getting hurt (once burnt, twice shy?) and that makes us carefully monitor how much of ourselves we let the other person see. We are constantly, and often subconsciously, in alert mode. 

Letting your guard down means not being on the lookout for red flags in everything your partner does or feeling so afraid of getting hurt that you stop yourself from loving freely. 

While we know that the first sign of a healthy relationship is being vulnerable and lowering our walls, it’s easier said than done. So here are some tips that may help you pull your guard down in a relationship.

Trust your partner
We only keep our guard up when we feel the need to protect ourselves from any emotional harm. If you learn to trust your partner and the goodness in them, you will believe that they won’t hurt you. Not that you will never feel bad about something; you can’t avoid that in a relationship, but you will know that the person has the best of intentions for you. 

Push yourself to communicate honestly
Sometimes, communicating what you truly feel to your partner can seem like the most difficult thing ever. It's probably because you are not used to expressing yourself, but putting your guard down means being honest with your partner. It’s important to talk about your issues because unless you put things out in the open, how will you resolve your problems? Initially, you may have to push yourself to communicate openly, but once you get used to it, things will be easier.

Practice expressing love without worrying about reciprocation 
Often, we hold ourselves back from expressing love and keep it walled up inside because we fear we may not get the reaction we want. You may have different love languages but don’t hold yourself back. Express love because you want to express it, without worrying about their reaction. Do let them know though how you prefer them to respond and if they can meet you there, even better.

Truly get to know each other
Pulling your guard down with your partner also means they should get to know who you truly are, beyond the frivolous details. Sure, they know which pizza you like but do they know which are your favourite childhood memories? They need to know the good things, the bad things, and the things you are hoping for. Knowing each other better will help you understand each other’s quirks and also each other’s attachment and relationship style.