Vishal Punjabi of The Wedding Filmer shares his learnings from the hundred-something love stories he’s captured so far

"What about him were you attracted to?” Vishal Punjabi asks Deepika Padukone the day after her wedding ceremony. “I was attracted to the person that most of the world had not seen. There’s a quiet side to him, an intelligent and a very sensitive side to him. I love that he cries. And I love that he is all heart,” she says. Her words—rooted in love, faith and honesty—are interspersed by tear-jerking moments from her wedding to Ranveer Singh.

When Punjabi founded The Wedding Filmer a little over a decade ago, such tête-à-têtes with the bride and groom formed the heart of his wedding films, along with drunken chats with their friends, vulnerable conversations with the families and in-between moments of love. He’s captured over 400 weddings on camera since, and each one of them is filled with unforgettable memories of hope, love, uncertainty and a supreme belief that’s kept him going. In conversation with Brides Today, he lets us in on his method of storytelling, his favourite kind of love story and the need for human connection in all that we do.

Brides Today: The way you tell stories through The Wedding Filmer is perhaps the most significant part of your films. Why did you feel the need to include interviews?

Vishal Punjabi: I simply had to know more. You go to a wedding, you see all this drama unfold, and you have to know more. At the first wedding I ever shot, the bride had a panic attack right before the wedding. She was wearing this white dress up to her neck; she had to rip it off because she couldn’t breathe. So the next day, I sat down with her and spoke to her about how she was feeling, what she wanted and what her dreams were. I was very moved by the connection their family had. It’s something I crave. I come from a broken home. But here, I get to learn how people enjoy these connections. The whole family is coming together for this wedding. Everyone’s point of view should be remembered. The film is their life story set against a wedding. There’s fun dancing, there’s drama, music, joy, sadness… You have all you need.

BT: Do you include such interviews in all the weddings you shoot?

VP: A white wedding includes speeches. I don’t necessarily need to do interviews then because people say everything they need to. But in other weddings, there’s no dialogue. I love dialogue. I think using good dialogue is great when you’ve not scripted it, and it’s coming from real people. There’s so much truth in what they say. And when I started doing these interviews with celebrities, I found that they see love the same way regular people do. It humanises them because there’s nothing different they’d say about how they love each other.

BT: You’ve been doing this for 14 years. How have these stories helped you grow as a person?

VP: Doing what I do helps me learn how to love some people unconditionally. In my job, the lengths that people go to show their love is astonishing. Not just with the display of wealth, but the grand gestures and dedication to a purpose or belief. I’ve seen such devotion and love only at weddings. Doing what I do has helped me meet people, my crew, who make this grow. There’s a joy in knowing that the films we make as a team bring people joy. It is the reason why people do it over and over again with us.

BT: Have there been times where you’ve not been in a good space personally but had to show up at somebody’s wedding to tell their love story? What kept you going at those points?

VP: My job really helped me in such times. It’s hard to smack a smile on your face on some days. There were times I failed at it. But when you’re going to someone’s wedding, you see so much hope. Your job helps you get over it. It’s ironic because around the time I was going through my divorce, the stories heard were ones of second chances. There was always a story about how miserable things were before and how they turned around. There’s always beauty in finding love again. 

BT: From all that you’ve filmed, what are your favourite kinds of love stories?

VP: My favourite kind is that fantastical fantasy everyone had—marry your first love where your partner is perfect, it happens at the right time, and he or she came into your life when you needed them most. Very few are that fortunate.Only about 2 percent of the 500 weddings I have filmed have stories like that. Then there’s the second-chances love story—the couple that gives each other a second chance. But my most favourite kind is the arranged-but-madly-in love kind of love story. They have an exciting future before them, with certainty that there’ll be joy in this mystery over what lies ahead.

BT: Please share some of the vows and promises you’ve heard that made you smile?

VP: We shot a wedding in the Maldives a few years ago, where the bride was older than the groom. She kept  telling him, “Listen, you’re going eat humble pie. You’re not going to be able to get society to believe that we should be together.” On their wedding day, when they cut their threetier cake, he asked her, “How is this cake for humble pie?” And he spoke about how one should never say never, and if you work hard towards your love and really want it, it can definitely happen. The promise to choose each other every day is the nicest promise one can hear.

BT: What have you learned about human connection?

VP: Without human connections, we’d be naked, we’d be hungry, and we’d most probably be alone in this world. That would be awful. Behind every phone, every social media app, every song, every wedding, and every love story lies human connection. It’s what makes the world go round. It’s what we crave. Weddings always have a father-daughter or father-son moment. I crave that father-son relationship. I don’t have a great relationship with my son because he’s very far from me.

BT: You’ve filmed both arranged and love marriages. How different are the dynamics?

VP: In arranged marriages, there’s a lot of hope and uncertainty. Depending on the social status of each family, there’s that difference to navigate over who’s got the upper hand in the decision making at the wedding. It plays heavily on both sides. Sometimes, it’s also a very young, beautiful love because in most of the arranged marriages I’ve shot, the bride and groom are very much in love. In a love marriage, it’s entirely different. They’re mirrors of each other despite their differences. They know each other well. As a filmmaker, we try to capture that chemistry.

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