How to ask your partner’s parents for her hand in marriage

This age-old tradition is sure to win their approval!

Adit Ganguly

Mar 10, 2024

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This age-old tradition is sure to win their approval!

We may be living in a modern digital world in 2024, but when it comes to weddings, sticking to traditions often enhances the experience of our special day. While we agree that many things have changed in the way we celebrate weddings, one thing that’s remained a constant is asking the girl’s parents (it’s the father in most cases) for their daughter’s hand in marriage. It’s a tradition that dates back to ancient Rome. Back in the day, when a man wanted to marry his fiancée, he had to ask permission from the girl’s legal guardian for permission, in most cases it was her father, without which they could not marry. Now we might not be in Rome, but one should continue to do as the Romans do. If you’re in a happy committed relationship and it’s reaching the point where getting down on one knee is a matter of when and not if, then it’s time you prepare to have the ‘talk’ with her folks.

The important thing to remember here is that you’re not exactly asking for permission. This entire act of approaching them is a sign of respect, a gesture where you’re including the most important people in her life before you make this life-changing decision and seek their blessings for this happy and long-lasting union.

Here are some tips to make this easier for you.

Think about when you want to do it

Imagine the situation in your head and proceed accordingly. Speak to her to know how traditional her parents are because you do not want to hurt their feelings. While some men propose to the girl and then go together to seek blessings, others prefer a discussion with them and then pop the big question. In this case, asking for permission before is always better than later, because the parents can feel included in the conversation rather than just being informed after everything is decided and done.

Speak to her friends and siblings if you plan on surprising her

If you want to plan a surprise proposal that has the blessings of her parents as well, you must get to know what her friends and siblings have to say about you meeting her folks. You’d also know if seeking their blessings is something that she expects from you. Getting this clarity is important before taking the next step.

Speak to her about this

Your relationship might feel like a bed of roses, but you’ll never know her thoughts about marriage and meeting her parents until the two of you speak about it. It could even be a casual conversation (especially if you don’t want her to figure out your plans). Doing so also shows her immense respect as you’re taking her emotions and feelings into consideration. And if she doesn’t share a healthy relationship with her parents, you know whether or not to ask/tell them.

Do your best to make them feel comfortable

An in-person conversation with the parents is the best course of action. And if they live in another city or country, you must be the one to make the trip rather than the other way around. How you think the conversation will play out, will help you decide the venue for your proposal; if you’re nervous, a public setting isn’t the right choice. On the other hand, if you see things going well, a nice dinner is just what you need to make the moment a very special one. Regardless of the setting, conversations with her, her friends, and her siblings will tell you everything you need to know.

If the conversation goes well, feel free to take things ahead and let your partner’s parents in on the fun and ask them to help you out in planning the perfect proposal. It’s a great chance to bond so don’t waste this fun opportunity.

Speak from the heart and make your intentions clear

When it comes to matters of the heart, it’s best that you don’t rehearse what you’re going to say and make it sound like a script. All that you need to do is stick to the basics. Tell them how much you love their child, how you wish to make them (your partner) happy, and how happy and excited you would be to spend the rest of your life with this person. Take time to show them gratitude for the person you fell in love with and their role in raising this wonderful person. Don’t forget to also touch upon what an absolute honour it’ll be to be part of their family.

If you haven’t spoken to them, this could be a perfect opportunity to tell them about how you two met and fell in love. If they already know this love story, make things special by letting them know about the time when you knew that she was the one. It’s sure to strike the right note with them.

Also read: 6 things newlyweds can do to win over their in-laws