"So Last Year, I Went in For Therapy, Wrote a Lot About Myself, and Created Journals": Sanya Malhotra

Sanya is ready to get out of her comfort zone...From building up the courage to ask a man out for a date to learning to place healthy boundaries, read on to appreciate how Sanya is welcoming a new phase of her life.

Brides Today: How have your views on relationships evolved?

Sanya Malhotra: 'I’ve been single for a while now, and my focus has shifted to ‘me, myself, and I’. I’ve been working on my mental health and taking care of myself. I’m truly glad that I got this time to work on myself and get to know myself better because when you’re with someone, one’s attention gets divided. I’m 29, single, and I think I know myself pretty well.'

BT: That is such a wonderful space to be in. What inspired you to take such an important decision?

SM: 'I think break-ups are hard for everyone. That is what pushed me to really work on myself. My last break-up was heart-wrenching for me: a four-year-long, long-distance relationship that began when I lived in Delhi. Right after we ended things, the lockdown was imposed and I was alone in Mumbai. But I took the time to process the situation and understand why things didn’t work out. I also understood that I needed to work on myself and that I wasn’t getting the time to do that. So last year, I went in for therapy, wrote a lot about myself, and created journals... I am truly grateful that I got the time to work on the experiences that weren’t good for my mental health. 2020 was a good year, the year of healing for me.'

BT: What did you learn most about yourself? 

SM: 'I never realised that I don’t know how to strike boundaries in relationships...you see, one isn’t taught these qualities while growing up. The concept of healthy boundaries wasn’t in my system at all! But I find it so inspiring to see people talk about boundaries and mental health these days, especially on social media, and I follow many such accounts. These brave voices have inspired me, and I hope that whoever is reading this gets inspired to work on themselves and get help if they need to.'

BT: And what did you learn about relationships from therapy and introspecting?

SM: 'The value of communication, especially when you’re in a long-distance relationship. Whenever my former partner and I got to spend time together, we were always trying to have a good time. But now I realise that it was equally important to address the issues that came up along the way.'

BT: Coincidentally, your latest movie Meenakshi Sundareshwar is also about a long-distance marriage...  

SM: 'Yes, and I think both Meenakshi and Sundareshwar are really good at it, they know how a long-distance relationship should work. I like that they communicate what issues they are facing in the relationship. I think the movie came as divine timing for me as well! (Laughs).'

BT: Which relationships have inspired you?  

SM: 'Oh, my last relationship was perfect. I’ve been talking about this relationship a lot. In fact, I recently called my former partner and gave him a heads-up that since my film is about long-distance relationships, I might talk about ours publicly. He was very nice about it and told me, ‘It’s okay, you don’t have to inform me’. But I wanted him to know and not be surprised if he read something online. In our case, the distance was the only issue that I faced. Also, since I live alone in Mumbai, I really wanted someone I could live with because I’ve realised that my love language is physical touch and spending time with the person I love. And that was lacking in a long-distance relationship. It is crucial to know what you like and need in a relationship. At this point, I have come to truly, completely love and respect myself, and I think that is much more important than getting into a relationship. Yes, you can grow with the person you are in love with, but you also need to love yourself. Because otherwise, you’ll keep expecting your partner to fulfil that need, and I think that’s putting too much pressure on the other person. It’s like saying, ‘I can’t love myself, please fill this gap for me.'

BT: Do you believe in love-at-first-sight or prefer to go with the flow?

SM: 'It’s love-at-first-sight, and then going with the flow. You know, I’m quite reticent, and I won’t approach a guy, but I’m trying to push myself out of my comfort zone. I feel like an 89-year-old trapped in a 29-year-old’s body (laughs)! But I have decided that the next time I like someone, I may text him, or call and ask him out... Of course, this is just me mentally planning. My new plan is that I’ll go and tell that person: ‘Listen, do you want to go out on a date?’. I can’t even imagine myself doing that! I’m scared to do it, but I need to gather the courage. You can’t just sit and wait for the other person to come and approach you.'