6 practical tips to maintain your individuality in a marriage

Bollywood often portrays marriage as the ideal climax of a love story. But what happens afterwards? While many couples end up becoming attached at the hip, doing almost everything together, it is important to hold onto your fundamental values, interests, and personal time. Here are some practical and lesser-known tips for maintaining your unique identity within your marriage.

Develop a personal ritual

Creating a personal ritual—something that’s uniquely yours—can be a powerful way to maintain your individuality. It could be as simple as a morning walk, a weekly art class, or a quiet evening of journaling. This activity serves as a reminder of your personal journey and growth.

Cultivate secret gardens

In a relationship, 'secret gardens' refer to parts of your inner life—like certain friendships, hobbies, or dreams—that are yours alone. It’s not about keeping secrets from your spouse, but rather about having aspects of your life that you cultivate independently, which, in turn, enhance your sense of self.

Encourage separate social circles

While it’s great to have mutual friends, encouraging each other to maintain individual social circles can be enriching. These individual friendships offer different perspectives and experiences that you can bring back to your shared life, keeping things fresh and interesting.

Revisit your personal goals annually

Set aside time each year to reflect on your personal goals and aspirations. This can be done through a retreat or a simple day of solitude. The idea is to ensure that your personal ambitions and dreams are not lost in the everyday hustle of married life.

Practice ‘alone-together’ time

‘Alone-together’ time is about being in the same space without engaging directly. For example, you could be reading in one corner of the room while your partner paints in another. This practice allows you to enjoy each other’s presence without losing yourself in constant interaction.

Embrace the ‘Two-Yes, One-No’ rule

In decision-making, use the ‘two-yes, one-no’ rule. This means that for any significant decision affecting both partners, both must agree ('two yeses') for it to proceed. If one disagrees ('one no'), the decision is paused. This ensures mutual respect for each individual’s feelings and boundaries.

In the end, maintaining individuality in marriage is about weaving a tapestry that honours both your union and your identities.

Also read: How to deal with major life changes after marriage
Also read: Couples’ affirmations for a new year full of love and happiness