A love like no other: Richa Chadha and Ali Fazal

Ahead of their wedding, Richa Chadha had an intimate chat with Editor Nandini Bhalla about her plans for the celebrations and more... 

Nandini Bhalla: When did you realise that Ali (Fazal) was the one that you would marry?

Richa Chadha: “I think I fell in love sooner than he did. This was about six or seven years ago, when we started hanging out and were toying with the idea of being in a relationship. But, after that, it was very organic...once I met his family, I saw that they are really lovely people. It doesn’t matter if he’s from another culture; what matters to me is that we both share similar values...regarding integrity, what we care about and are vocal about, the causes we endorse, and even the things we find obnoxious. So once that was clear, it seemed so natural. We have been living together for a while, and the beautiful thing is that after the wedding, we’ll come back and sit on the same couch and watch TV. So, for us, it is not like this is the biggest day of our lives, but yes, the wedding will serve as an opportunity for our entire families to meet, which could not happen due to the pandemic.” 

NB: Growing up, was this your vision of the perfect partner or the perfect wedding?

RC: “Honestly, I am not a ‘dream wedding’ kind of girl. Yes, I have cried at my friends’ weddings, and I remember feeling very emotional when they exchanged their vows, or when their fathers performed kanyadaan. All these things moved me, but I didn’t really have a dream wedding in mind. For me, the ceremonies and get-together must mean something. For instance, I am getting my reception outfit customised—I have gotten Ali’s mother’s name embroidered in gold. That’s my surprise for him, because she passed away around the time we first decided to get married. And I am going to be wearing the jewellery she got made for me... That is the kind of intimacy I want.” 

NB: Tell us a bit about the wedding…

RC: “I am wearing very traditional silhouettes, because I think they are fun. We both grew up in middle class families in North India and we are staying true to who we are, because I don’t want my parents to be ‘show ponies’. My dad has pulled out his old silk kurtas, my mom is pulling out her old Banarasi saris. It is a very intimate, coming together of families...of cultures. And then, we both have surprises planned for each other in terms of what we are going to wear. 

I don’t want to do a very traditional bridal entry... I want to ride a bike wearing a lehenga. And instead of a regular venue, we are hosting the wedding at the Delhi University campus, because my mother used to teach there and my friend’s mother is the principal there. It’s like a heritage property—a hundred-year-old lawn with really tall banyan trees. I didn’t want to shut down one entry of a five-star hotel, worrying about people taking our photographs. I want a really good celebration for my family and friends... I just want people to come, have great food, dance, talk to each other, and have fun.”

NB: What do you think is the secret to a happy marriage?

RC: “We have been really happy and share a certain sweetness in our bond. And I think that’s because we started off as friends, and we really respect each other as friends. I am very comfortable with myself...I love my own company, and so does he. And we also know that we are there for each other. We respect each other’s work, and our own space. We try to do our best to understand each other’s points of view. Then, there are commonalities like our shared love for literature, poetry, and films. You also need that. Especially as an artist, you need that creative understanding. Ali’s an aesthete. Everything he does, he does with love—whether it’s cooking or picking curtains for the house. I feel we are partners in the truest sense. For me, the death of a relationship is not when two people stop being intimate or stop spending time with each other, it is when you no longer care. 

There’s genuine friendship, warmth, and respect in our relationship. I respect him as an artist...I am a fan of his work. I love it when he puts out a weird post on Instagram, those are things that I love about him. I find them very interesting. And he gives me feedback about my work, too. All these things really matter.”

NB: What is your fighting style? 

RC: “I think fights are very healthy and normal. Our fights don’t typically last more than a day. We’ll fight really horribly, even yell at each other. Sometimes, I block him so I can get my work done...or Unfollow him on Instagram so that his notifications don’t show up. He finds all this very juvenile, but I need to get him out of my head to be able to work. And then, the next morning, we just laugh it off and that’s the end of the fight. So I do think it’s okay to fight sometimes. But communication is key...if you feel hurt, you should let your partner know.” 

NB: Did you share this kind of comfort in any past relationship as well?

RC: “I wouldn’t say it’s super-easy. We have bad days...or even weeks, sometimes. Like in the beginning of 2020, when we were trying to get the wedding going, Ali’s mother suddenly passed away. All our personal and professional stresses were colliding. 

As far as my previous partners are concerned, some of them were demeaning towards me. I briefly dated this guy from the industry who once said, ‘Oh, you’re coming to meet me, but you didn’t get your nails done or hair blow-dried?’. I mean, my partner should see me unfiltered. Ali is not like that, and I love that about him. He’ll be like, ‘If you are at home, why are you wearing make-up?’…so it’s really real. 

I think men can be really toxic sometimes, especially if they feel insecure about you, your talent, or feel intimidated by your intelligence. And the proof is in the pudding—when you see that a person, after a few years of being in a relationship, is looking better, feeling healthier and more confident about themselves, and is able to deliver better work, then you know that they are in a healthy relationship. Ali really pushes me... when he started working on international projects, I was also actively auditioning in Los Angeles. The chances are slim as the competition is so stiff, but I had to try. And he always encourages me.” 

NB: As an actor, you are expected to look a certain way, and often match a specific definition of beauty... How have you battled insecurities? 

RC: “I mean, in your 20s, when ugly, bald man tell you are not pretty, it really hurts. But in your 30s, you are more confident. You understand your face, your body, and what you’re comfortable with. I stopped working with nine out of 10 stylists because I realised that in order to try and get good reviews, I was putting myself in clothes that I didn’t like. So once you identify who you are, you are able to navigate your way very easily.” 

NB: What are your hopes for the future?

RC: “I want to set up a really kick-*ss creators’ studio, and we are working towards that. In fact, we won a grant at the Berlinale Co-Production Market in February this year. And for the film we are producing with that grant, we organised a complimentary lighting workshop for women who want to be gaffers [chief lighting technicians] in the industry, because there are hardly any right now...there are only ‘light men’. We even managed to introduce 10 trained gaffers to the film industry this year. I truly want to push the boundaries, and that’s why we christened our production house Pushing Buttons. We want to empower newer narratives and go global, so that we don’t have to pander to the box office...so that we are not pressurised to add an action sequence or an item song—those days are gone. All of these goals are, of course, professional, because I feel that on the personal front, I am kind of sorted. I am very happy. Ali and I share a great bond. We travel, we cook, we eat, we fight, we make up. We have fun.” 

ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE 

With their wedding ahead of them, actor Ali Fazal opens up about how he fell in love with Richa Chadha, and continues to do so, in conversation with Editor Nandini Bhalla. 

Nandini Bhalla: What made you fall in love with Richa?

Ali Fazal: “A lot of things... It can’t be just one thing. It’s such a cliché, but when I saw her in Gangs of Wasseypur [2012], I knew that I’d know this person one day. I had never seen a girl with so much range as an actor in India—and I have seen a lot of world cinema... I just thought it was unreal. Then I met Richa during the shooting of Fukrey [2013], and I was like ‘Wow, she’s really goofy...she’s very different in person’, and I wanted to get to know her more... And that’s how it’ll be for the rest of our days as well.”

NB: How has your definition of love changed over the years? 

AF: “I am more accommodating now. I think we are all flawed, and I love exploring that with someone. I don’t know why people run away from commitment...when you love someone, there is a sense of belonging.” 

NB: Are you a romantic partner?

AF: “Hell, yeah! I love to love. And I love cooking, so I curate a lot of our dinners and date nights.”

NB: Did you ever have a particular idea about the kind of woman you’d marry?

AF: “No, not really...I didn’t have an exact set of traits in mind, I just wanted it to work. I haven’t seen too many marriages work in my family—it didn’t work out for my own parents—so I have always believed that one should find a solution to make it work... Learn to grow together so that you are not tied down to each other and yet, you are together. I believe it’s important to respect each other.” 

NB: What do you think is the secret to a successful marriage? 

AF: “It’s the same secret that could make any scene a good scene in acting. If I had to put it in one word, I’d say just ‘listen’. And that could mean a lot of things...listen to yourself, listen to your partner...it requires both individuals to put in the effort.” 

NB: Are you a good listener? 

AF: “All my friends know that I can listen to people (and talk, of course) for hours…”

NB: If your friends and family had to describe you, what do you think they would say?

AF: “Very few people really know me, to be honest. There are only four or five people, including Richa, who really get me, and with the rest, I’m constantly adapting. It’s not that I am fake; I just manage to adapt to whoever I am with. Different people have different perceptions of me, but I am more sensitive than I show. And I think that has become more prominent in the past year-and-a-half. I have suddenly become a crybaby...I used to be this alpha guy who grew up thinking it’s not okay to show your emotions. But that has changed.” 

NB: Many people say that being married to an actor can be rather difficult, given the hectic schedules. How has your work impacted your relationship? 

AF: “Sometimes, I don’t see Richa for days in a row... that’s something we are hoping to change eventually. This has been the case for everyone after the lockdown ended—everyone’s been working on their prior commitments. And that is why our celebrations were delayed, too...not because we were keen on a big celebration, but because our families never got the chance to meet. Some of my family members passed away, too... so they could never meet each other. 

Richa and I do hope to spend more time together, but this year has been very busy for the both of us. However, I’ll admit it can be fun when your partner is in the same profession, even though it is a concept I was opposed to all my life. I love watching her evolve right in front of my eyes—I am seeing this woman transform into something I have never known or experienced...and it’s amazing!”

NB: How was it working with Judi Dench in Victoria & Abdul [2017]?

AF: “Judi is such a sweetheart and is so iconic. She is probably more royal than the Royals in London. I got a chance to meet her, and it was literally like in the film... It was my first time in London and meeting someone like Judi was simply amazing. I learned a lot from her and I think she is doing great work.” 

NB: You have played some intense characters...do you ever bring any of that energy back home? Is it tough to switch off, sometimes?

AF: “It’s tough to switch off in parts that require habit...and habits are tough to get out of. For Mirzapur [2018-2020], for instance, I had a three-month-long shooting schedule, and ended up with injuries...so it takes time to let go of that character. I have said this before, I think there is always a part of you that chips away with every character that you play. And there’s a part of that character that stays with you for the rest of your days. But I think we are aware enough to kind of segregate those different lives.” 

NB: Do you like life to be frenzied, or do you crave calmer moments? 

AF: “I like things calmer and that’s what I tell everybody, but I have noticed this is what I do... I manifest the madness right till the end, right till I’m on the edge, and that’s when I am most productive. So it’s almost the opposite of what I say. I would like to sit peacefully, and that is the idea after the wedding celebrations. But, even now, I have started taking the reigns right at the end, so now I am working double-time in order to finish all my commitments. But it is exciting...I am not complaining.” 

NB: Where do you see your career going in the next few years? 

AF: “I made a major decision to not move to LA. Initially, living there seemed like an obvious choice, because I was working a lot there, but I have always felt that I need to tell stories from India. While the world is getting smaller, I keep telling my agency and managers that I can make it work...but sometimes it gets tough. This is the reason why we are trying to lay a base somewhere alongside, but India is home and there are some amazing stories that I want to tell from here. One special project is already in the works and we are really proud of it. It has already garnered so much attention and that’s scary, but it is also exciting at the same time.” 

 

This interview appeared in the December 2022 issue of Brides Today