Sanya Malhotra speaks about heartbreak, strength, and more

Sanya Malhotra is single and loving it. It’s not often you hear an actor speak about their relationship status with such candour, but if there is one quality that the 29-year-old embodies, it is quiet confidence. These past two years, Malhotra has been through a great level of self-reflection and personal growth, as she tells Brides Today...the catalyst was a four-year-long, long-distance relationship that ended right before the lockdown. However, the silver lining shines bright, the pain belongs to the past, and life is looking optimistic and exciting for her. And with it, Malhotra is ready to get out of her comfort zone... From building up the courage to ask a man out for a date to learning to place healthy boundaries, read on to appreciate how Malhotra is welcoming a new phase of her life.

Brides Today: How have your views on relationships evolved?

Sanya Malhotra: I’ve been single for a while now, and my focus has shifted to ‘me, myself, and I’. I’ve been working on my mental health and taking care of myself. I’m truly glad that I got this time to work on myself and get to know myself better, because when you’re with someone, one’s attention gets divided. I’m 29, single, and I think I know myself pretty well.

BT: That is such a wonderful space to be in. What inspired you to take such an important decision?

SM: I think break-ups are hard for everyone. That is what pushed me to really work on myself. My last break-up was heart-wrenching for me: a four-year-long, long-distance relationship that began when I lived in Delhi. Right after we ended things, the lockdown was imposed and I was alone in Mumbai. But I took the time to process the situation and understand why things didn’t work out. I also understood that I needed to work on myself, and that I wasn’t getting the time to do that. So, last year, I went for therapy, wrote a lot about myself, and created journals... I am truly grateful that I got the time to work on the experiences that weren’t good for my mental health. 2020 was a good year, the year of healing for me.”

BT: What did you learn most about yourself?

SM: I never realised that I don’t know how to strike boundaries in relationships...you see, one isn’t taught these qualities while growing up. The concept of healthy boundaries wasn’t in my system at all! But I find it so inspiring to see people talk about boundaries and mental health these days, especially on social media, and I follow many such accounts. These brave voices have inspired me, and I hope that whoever is reading this gets inspired to work on themselves and get help if they need to.

BT: And what did you learn about relationships from therapy and introspecting?

SM: The value of communication, especially when you’re in a long-distance relationship. Whenever my former partner and I got to spend time together, we were always trying to have a good time. But now I realise that it was equally important to address the issues that came up along the way.

BT: Coincidentally, your latest movie Meenakshi Sundareshwar is also about a long-distance marriage...

SM: Yes, and I think both Meenakshi and Sundareshwar are really good at it, they know how a long-distance relationship should work. I like that they communicate what issues they are facing in the relationship. I think the movie came as divine timing for me as well! [Laughs].

BT: Which relationships have inspired you?

SM: Oh, my last relationship was perfect. I’ve been talking about this relationship a lot. In fact, I recently called my former partner and gave him a heads-up that since my film is about long-distance relationships, I might talk about ours publicly. He was very nice about it and told me, ‘It’s okay, you don’t have to inform me’. But I wanted him to know and not be surprised if he read something online. In our case, the distance was the only issue that I faced. Also, since I live alone in Mumbai, I really wanted someone I could live with because I’ve realised that my love language is physical touch and spending time with the person I love. And that was lacking in a long-distance relationship. It is crucial to know what you like and need in a relationship. At this point, I have come to truly, completely love and respect myself, and I think that is much more important than getting into a relationship. Yes, you can grow with the person you are in love with, but you also need to love yourself. Because otherwise, you’ll keep expecting your partner to fulfill that need, and I think that’s putting too much pressure on the other person. It’s like saying, ‘I can’t love myself, please fill this gap for me.’

BT: Do you believe in love-at-first-sight or prefer to go with the flow?

SM: It’s love-at-first-sight, and then going with the flow. You know, I’m quite reticent, and I won’t approach a guy, but I’m trying to push myself out of my comfort zone. I feel like an 89-year-old trapped in a 29-year-old’s body [laughs]! But I have decided that the next time I like someone, I may text him, or call and ask him out... Of course, this is just me mentally planning. My new plan is that I’ll go and tell that person: ‘Listen, do you want to go out on a date?’. I can’t even imagine myself doing that! I’m scared to do it, but I need to gather the courage. You can’t just sit and wait for the other person to come and approach you.”

BT: What, according to you, is the biggest myth we are told about love?

SM: That self-love isn’t as important. Especially in Bollywood, where you’ll see one person running after another person for love, but it actually resides inside you. Such ideas teach you to constantly look for other people’s validation or for somebody else to come and fill you with love, but you end up forgetting that it’s always been there within you.

BT: So what are the qualities that you would look for in a partner?

SM: Good communication. I want a man who’s a feminist, someone I can admire and grow with, mentally and spiritually. He should be ambitious and humorous. That’s really important because I have a really bad sense of humour, so my partner should be funny to balance it out.

BT: Are you looking to settle down anytime soon?

SM: No, I do not have the time for a relationship right now. And I’m enjoying that, to be honest. I’m working hard and I’m glad that I’m single, otherwise it would be very difficult for me to divide my time between work and personal life. Right now, I’m enjoying what I’m doing professionally.

BT: When you do get married, what would you like to wear?

SM: Pyjamas! [Laughs] I’ve gotten married so many times on-screen, that I’m done with dressing up! And especially for Meenakshi Sundareshwar, we filmed all the rituals, so I got dressed for the mehendi and the wedding ceremony in full regalia.

BT: When you attend other people’s weddings, what is your favourite outfit to wear?

SM: A sari or a lehenga. I wore two yellow lehengas this month, one for Diwali and another for my best friend’s wedding in Delhi, recently. And I even wore a yellow lehenga for the promotions of my Netflix film. I love the colour mustard; I think it really suits me. I like most colours, but I don’t think pink or cool undertones work for me.

In the summer, I usually wear chiffon and in the winter, brocade. And I style it with a choker and minimal earrings.

BT: And how do you look after your curls?

SM: It’s quite complicated, it’s not easy to maintain curly hair. I use a leave-in conditioner, and then seal it with a strong-hold gel. Then, I diffuse my curls and let them be; I don’t touch them at all because they can get very frizzy. I also apply a protein mask once a week.

When I was younger, I didn’t know how to style my curls at all. I remember, in school, I tried many products and hair tools to tame my frizzy hair. Then I came across something called The Curly Girl Method on YouTube, where this girl was styling her curly hair, and it changed my life. In this, you have to use zero-sulfate products, but I would suggest using a bit of sulphate once or twice a week to get the gunk out of your mane. I’m just pleased that all my directors like my curly hair so I don’t have to do too much to it when getting into character. I love my curls!”

BT: You also have wonderful skin...

SM: Yes I do, knock on wood. But I had cystic acne when I was working on my first film Dangal (2016), and while you can see it in the film too, it worked for the character I was playing, of a 16-year-old. I wasn’t too worried about going in front of the camera with a face full of cystic acne. I don’t really care about that.

BT: How did you cure the condition and what is your skincare routine now?

SM: I went to a dermatologist and took medication for acne. Even after it was cured, I made it a point to visit my dermatologist regularly. I eat well, exercise, and drink three to four litres of water every day. I lug around a huge bottle, it looks like a bucket [laughs]. It’s embarrassing to roam around with it, but it’s so important to hydrate. I have also cut down on the number of skincare products I use. Earlier, I would get inspired by influencers on social media who would apply some 10,000 products on their skin. But now I only use a moisturiser and sunscreen. I don’t step out of the house without sunscreen.”

BT: You’re clearly an advocate for body positivity. What, according to you, is the best way to deal with the pressures of conforming due to social media?

SM: Oh, you don’t have to! It’s high time people began thinking like that. That said, it does take time, personal growth, and healing to actually start loving yourself and your body. It happens gradually.

BT: What was the journey like for you?

SM: I remember when Dangal was released, people commented on my body being too bulky, and also on my short hair. But I was playing the role of a wrestler, and was very confident in myself. I never felt like I was too bulky or that I looked like a boy. Never, ever. I remember when I had to put on 12 kilos for Pataakha (2018), I posted a picture on Instagram and people began commenting, ‘Dangal ki training band ho gayi hai kya?’ (Has the training for Dangal stopped?). That was the first time I realised that people can be really mean on social media. But obviously, you can’t troll the trolls or tell them that you’re training for a role. The trolls are coming from a broken place themselves, and that is really important to keep in mind. I maintain a very healthy social media boundary. If you are posting a picture, please don’t look for external validation.

BT: What is the best relationship advice you have ever received?

SM: Nobody gives me relationship advice! [Laughs] But one thing I learnt from the film Meenakshi Sundareshwar is that communication is the key.

BT: And what are your plans for the coming year?

SM: I am shooting for a few projects. I just finished a film with Vikrant Massey and Bobby Deol, it’s called Love Hostel, which should be released next year.

BT: And what are your hopes for yourself for the coming year?

SM: I hope I am able to honour everything that comes up in my life, good or bad. I want to honour all my emotions, feel them, and then let them go, whether they’re happy or sad. That is it.

BT: What are your hopes for the world?

SM: Until everyone is vaccinated, I hope people take care of themselves and other people around them... we all have been through such crazy two years. Another hope is for people to have compassion and empathy for others, and for themselves.